Legend

"The Princess Bride" meets "The Legend of Zelda" meets "A Bunch of Crap." Mia Sara, Tim Curry, Tom Cruise -- say what you will about the movie (it's terrible), it's great for the Kevin Bacon game.

Everyone has something embarrassing in their life they've done that haunts them for years afterward, long after everyone else has forgotten. People stay up some nights reliving this horrific thing they've done. For example, for Malcolm McDowell, it's probably "Caligula." Good money says that "Legend" is Tom Cruise's "Caligula."

Cruise plays a scrawny Puck-ish Link-like sprightly nymph something-or-other, and a year after this he made "Top Gun" and "The Color of Money." Something happened in between these movies. I don't know what: a deal with a certain Someone, magic beans, acting steroids. Something. Tom Cruise changed. For the better. And a year after this, Mia made "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." And after this Curry made "Clue." Anyone who's read the Dennis Lehane novel "Darkness, Take My Hand" will have an idea what I'm getting at. This was the nadir of everyone's acting careers, and it was hopefully the nadir of my movie watching for the month.